Rap Battle: Jenny McCarthy vs. Jonas Salk

There is a website called “Epic Rap Battles of History” where historical characters are pitted against each other in a rap battle. What is a rap battle? A rap battle is where two rappers (men or women) insult each other with witty comments and insults to the point where the other person doesn’t have a comeback for what was said about them. Go check out their website if you want a taste. My favorite is Dr. Seuss vs. Shakespeare.

I was thinking that the anti-vaccine and pro-vaccine “debate” should have its own rap battle. (I place “debate” in quotations because you can’t really debate the reality of the science behind vaccines versus the fantasy of the anti-vaccine side.) This rap battle would be between a vaccine-creating legend like Edward Jenner or Jonas Salk. I’d choose Jonas Salk because he is more recent. The younger, rap-loving audience wouldn’t quite grasp who Jenner was. But who would represent the anti-vaccine side?

Who has their own “body count” web site?

Jonas Salk would fight Jenny McCarthy, of course! And it would start with Dr. Salk probably rapping something like this:

Well, lookie here, what is this that we’ve got?
Some cute, dumb blonde posing for her next shot.
Oh, what is that which you say, “Too many too soon”?
We’d all be better off listening to a baboon.
Because you don’t know sh*t, my dear Ms. McCarthy,
So how about, for a change, you let science inside thee?
I am the doc who saved kids from getting the polio,
You’re just some has-been with a clothes-free portfolio.

Jenny would probably reply with:

Do you know what you did, you crazy old geezer?
Your f*cking vaccine is better off in the freezer.
‘Cause you and your Pharma shills are damaging babies,
Sure, they can be crippled, and maybe get rabies,
But they won’t get autism, MS, or the scabies.
So how ‘bout you shut up and go back to your grave,
When it comes to my Google knowledge you don’t make the grade.

Dr. Salk comes right back with:

What?! You mean to tell me that you didn’t go to college?
That blogs and fraudulent studies were the source of your knowledge?
Oh, dear child, do you know what you did?
You scared off parents from protecting their kids!
Are you intentionally trying to bring back the measles?
Let me guess, Google told you that vaccines contain diesel.
Screw you and screw Wakefield, that sh*t for brains weasel.

Jenny retorts:

It’s not just from Andy that I get all my info,
I get it from Tenpenny, Mercola, and other such people.
They did all their research and gave me information,
So I can go spread it throughout the whole nation.
Now go back to your grave, you Big Pharma goon,
Or I’ll feed you some bleach with this big, rusted spoon.

Finally, Dr. Salk brings it:

Oh, really, my dear, you’re nothing but threats,
You’re some washed up pinup, just full of regrets.
I’m a legend of medicine, a hero to people,
You’re someone who loves and embraces the measles.
How ‘bout YOU go back and tell all your quacks
That we’re bringing some truth, b*tch, that we’re coming back!

4 thoughts on “Rap Battle: Jenny McCarthy vs. Jonas Salk

  1. Excellent! Couldn't get your rap out of my head, sir. And I hope in turn you enjoy these verses I came up with for Jenny during my commute…I don't need your science, I've got science of my ownI've got the science that my crystal-gazing life guru has shownAnd while we're on the subject here's something that should be knownHe says your sh*t vaccines f*ck with my aura and my siliconesAnd now I think we can agree that your "science" has been pwned…

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