The Anti-Vaccine Declaration

I would have more respect for anti-vaccine organizations and people if they just came out and told us what they really believed in and what they really wanted. For example, I would respect them — though not like them — if they declared their intentions like this:

We are the anti-vaccine people of the world. We will not listen to reason. We will not take bribes. We just want to watch the world burn. For this reason, we declare the following:

1. All research studies declaring that vaccines are safe, or safe enough, or safer than drinking water, are performed by corrupt officials who have conflicts of interest in our eyes.

2. All case series, anecdotes, and gossip that supports the linking of vaccines to any disease or condition, and even to car accidents, are all true. We will not question nor think critically about such stories.

3. Everything evil that happens to us in our lives is the direct result of a conspiracy between the Government (i.e. Obama), Big Pharma (i.e. Merck), the medical establishment (i.e. Paul Offit) and some other unknown force.

4. All that evil, like having a child with special needs, is comparable only to the evil brought upon the world by the Nazi regime.

5. All other forms of public health interventions are also inherently evil, including fluoridated water, vitamin-enriched foods, pasteurization, and, sure, why not, antihistamines.

6. Only homeopathy, bleach enemas, colloidal silver, and chelation are acceptable medical treatments. (This point may be amended at the suggestion of Mary Tocco, Joseph Mercola, or Sheri Tenpenny. Mike Adams? No. He’s just nuts.)

7. Evidence? We don’t need no stinkin’ evidence.

What would you add to the list?


10 thoughts on “The Anti-Vaccine Declaration

    • Sad. I just posted a whole set of links from telling such stories on a discussion with a very assertive anti-vaxer, and got the following response (I’m putting together two different comments on this separated by three dots): “”Stories” of Vaccine Preventable diseases sounds like an even worse version of the Vaccine Adverse Events Reporting System that doctors never use. …. ou don’t know that %%%%% and you can’t prove it, why don’t the kids who die from adverse vaccine reactions matter as much as these kids?” Oy.

  1. We need only look to the Book of Antivax, chapter two, verses nine through twenty-one for such a declaration. With apologies to Monty Python.

    “First, shalt thou observe an undesired event. Then shalt thou blame a vaccine. A vaccine shall be the object of the blaming, and the object of the blaming shall be a vaccine.

    Genetics shalt thou not blame, nor infection, excepting that thou then proceedest to blame the infection on a vaccine.

    Coincidence is right out.

    When a vaccine, being the only option, be blamed, clickest thou the Holy Banhammer, and thine enemies, who have been science-based, shall snuff it.


    • Because, smallpox just got tired of plaguing mankind and went on vacation, right?
      Fair Warning, how would you like a fun field trip? I’ll give you a choice, you can go with me to Afghanistan or any nation on the Horn of Africa and visit villages suffering from epidemic polio because they can’t get vaccines.
      Tell that to them. I’ll guarantee your safety up to that point, then, you’re on your own.

      • I think you misunderstood me. Jenner asked what else anti-vaxers would announce. This is a common claim they make, so I suggested to add this to their statement.

        • My error, Fair Warning. Was an early rise day and a long day. :/
          However, my invitation stands for any antivaxer to take me up on. šŸ™‚

    • Anyone who believes vaccines have no benefit and only harm are either a sheep or a paid alternative medicine shill.

  2. Well, they’re welcome to their colloidal silver until they’re blue all over their body.
    (For the uninitiated. excess use of the medically ineffective colloidal silver causes a condition known as argyria.)
    Let’s refer to it as what it is, the Blue Badge of Idiocy.

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