A little bit of a misunderstanding

My post the other day about parents giving up their autistic children got some attention. I won’t tell you who in particular paid attention to it and even threatened to kill me because, like many such cowards who say those things and then hide behind First Amendment guns and “Second Amendment Remedies”, giving him more attention only inflates one ego in the discussion. Instead, I’d like to give attention to a reader who would like to remain anonymous because he is not a public person, but he is an avid reader (or so he says) of the blog. He also has begun to re-think his stance of vaccines as a causal agent of his child’s autism. This person sent me the following e-mail:

“Mr. Gaines. I want you to know that I’ve been reading your blog for a while and I find it very informing. Even with your snark and coarse approach to dealing with vaccine skeptics like me you still manage to teach me a new thing once in a while. You’ll be happy to know that I’ve now given my child the two MMR shots because he was exposed out here in Cali. He cannot affort (sic) to be sick from measles right now, and, even if vaccines did cause his autism, how much more damage can the MMR do? I do take offense to your post about wanting us autism parents to walk away from our children. How dare you? The system could never take care of our children like I do. I work a part-time job so I can stay home and take care of [redacted child’s name]. I am a loving parent, and I will never ever ever ever give him up. He is not dead to me either. I hope you reconsider your stance on wanting me to give up my child cause I wont.”

If you pay attention to all the hints I’ve left on the blog, you can figure out how to email me.

Anyway, this person kind of misunderstood my post, so I’d like to clarify it a bit.

Let’s start with a question: Do you believe your children have been “lost,” “dead,” “gone,” “kidnapped,” or “sacrificed” to autism? If your answer is “yes,” then you’re better off giving up your child and walking away before you do something stupid. That mentality may very well lead you to not act in the child’s best interest. After all, the child is lost, right? Why should you do anything else to benefit them? Which leads me to my next question.

Do you believe that your child is better off dead than living through some sort of hell you believe they’re living as they live with autism? If your answer is also “yes,” then you’re better off giving up your child and, again, walking away before you do something stupid. Your child is not better off dead. And, if they theoretically would be better off, you are no one to judge whether the child should live or die.

Quite the opposite is true if you don’t think your child is “lost” and you believe your child deserves the best shot at living a happy and productive life. If you believe your autistic child has a human right to be happy, to be loved, to be taken care of against all threats, then stay with your child. Continue to love that child. Continue to give that child the opportunity to live a normal life. Give them a hug from me.

So, dear reader, stay with your child. You’ve shown to be acting in their best interest by vaccinating them (the right thing, albeit late) after a measles exposure. You are correct that your child cannot afford to be sick, even if you are incorrect in thinking that vaccines caused their autism to begin with. And, no, you are not an “autism parent”. You’re a parent of an autistic child. Your child’s neurodevelopmental delay is not your main concern. Your child is. After all, no one calls themselves “polio parents” do they?

And that person who threatened me with death (in a very public way) for what I wrote? Do walk away from your child. If you’re more concerned with all the conspiracy theories that you spew, and you’re more concerned with tracking me down and killing me, then you’re not as concerned about your child as you should be. (That, and my attorney has copies of your threats and orders to act if you threaten me again or if it becomes reasonable to think you will act on your threats.) This is the last you’ll ever see me reference your psychopathic actions.

Then again, I’m an idea. Ideas don’t die. We’re bulletproof:

And  I’m also more than just a man. I devote myself to an ideal. You can’t stop me. I’ve become something else entirely…

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4 thoughts on “A little bit of a misunderstanding

  1. Parent of an autistic little girl here! Who vaccinated and will again if another baby comes into our lives.

    Problem is the anti vaccine movement needs autism to look like a tragedy. It is a ploy to scare parents into not vaccinating. If they don’t have that ability to fear monger, they don’t have very much. Sadly it is the foundation of their cause and it’s a complete falsity. Yet they still manage to brainwash others.

    Their assessment of autism is what gives validation to offensive language like what you described. Parents who refer to their children that way are projecting their feelings onto their child. Their child is still with them. It’s a matter of accepting your child isn’t here in the capacity you assumed they would be. It’s hard but must be done.

  2. Thank you. From the mother of an amazing, talented, hilarious, adorable 12 year old whom I would NEVER change. And has autism.

    I’m doing some research on the heated “is Autism a disease that needs to be cured” debate that has segmented our community. The research is for an upcoming article I will be publishing. It reflects a poll directed at two audiences: one being the parents of children with an ASD diagnosis, and the other being adults diagnosed with ASD. It would be great to have your insight. It’s “sticky” on my blog right now: http://www.mypuzzlingpiece.wordpress.com

  3. I’m glad to see that some can come back from the anti-vaxx abyss they had fallen into. And how sad is it that I know who your unhinged psychopath is and you needn’t even name him? Who, to clarify, is not the person who was offended by a previous post and commented.

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