The Anti-Vaccine Declaration

I would have more respect for anti-vaccine organizations and people if they just came out and told us what they really believed in and what they really wanted. For example, I would respect them — though not like them — if they declared their intentions like this:

We are the anti-vaccine people of the world. We will not listen to reason. We will not take bribes. We just want to watch the world burn. For this reason, we declare the following:

1. All research studies declaring that vaccines are safe, or safe enough, or safer than drinking water, are performed by corrupt officials who have conflicts of interest in our eyes.

2. All case series, anecdotes, and gossip that supports the linking of vaccines to any disease or condition, and even to car accidents, are all true. We will not question nor think critically about such stories.

3. Everything evil that happens to us in our lives is the direct result of a conspiracy between the Government (i.e. Obama), Big Pharma (i.e. Merck), the medical establishment (i.e. Paul Offit) and some other unknown force.

4. All that evil, like having a child with special needs, is comparable only to the evil brought upon the world by the Nazi regime.

5. All other forms of public health interventions are also inherently evil, including fluoridated water, vitamin-enriched foods, pasteurization, and, sure, why not, antihistamines.

6. Only homeopathy, bleach enemas, colloidal silver, and chelation are acceptable medical treatments. (This point may be amended at the suggestion of Mary Tocco, Joseph Mercola, or Sheri Tenpenny. Mike Adams? No. He’s just nuts.)

7. Evidence? We don’t need no stinkin’ evidence.

What would you add to the list?