I wouldn’t put this past Andrew Jeremy Wakefield

In case you haven’t heard, a whole bunch of dolphins have died from measles in Italy. Since he’s showing himself to be a media whore during the outbreak of measles in humans in Wales, someone went and wrote up a parody of what Andrew Jeremy Wakefield would have said if he were to also attract attention from measles in dolphins. Enjoy:

“Over one hundred dolphins have died due to measles and washed ashore on the coast of Italy. Like the current measles outbreak in Swansea, Wales, is nothing more than the ill-effects of a vaccine policy that continues to favor the profits of big pharma over the safety of the dolphins that receive the combined measles, mumps, and rubella vaccination.

I have in my possession, a 25,000-page report, written by myself, single-space, 0.5-inch margin, in which I detail the problems with the MMR vaccine one-by-one as well as the findings of two of my closest associates on the government cover-up conceived by the reptilians. My “porpoise” in writing this report, if you’ll pardon the pun, is to show that the single jab vaccine that I patented would have been safer and easier to use on dolphins than the MMR. It’s one jab instead of the triple jab. You try jabbing a dolphin three times!

Further, the fact that there are no autistic dolphins should be a clear signal to the medical establishment of the implication of MMR in causing autistic enterocolitis autism. If we were to give them the MMR shot to contain this outbreak of measles, we will surely see a rise in the number of cases of autism in the dolphin community. I have spoken to leaders in the dolphin community, and they have told me that they do not wish to lose any of their children to autism.

Should my lawyers allow me to release this report, the world will indeed see that the measles occurring in the dolphins is not a result of my fraud. Rather, it is the result of Dr. Salisbury not debating me live on television and with Piers Morgan as the host and moderator. The world deserves to see us both in wet suits as we negotiate an obstacle course and prove once and for all that I am not a fraud when it comes to my thighs.”