Tell Congress to get to work on stopping the non-existent autism epidemic!

In a poll conducted by yours truly, it was found that an overwhelming percentage of parents of autistic children want Congress to stop what they’re doing and do congressional hearing after congressional hearing to look into the non-existent autism epidemic. Those parents said that Congress should look into what is essentially a mirage and talking point from the anti-vaccine syndicate, and that Congress should forget about anything else in their agenda. Furthermore, parents want Congress to forget about any kind of oversight of the educational system because “our lost little children,” as one parent put it, “won’t benefit from educational programs that seek to have them be productive members of society. What they need is one more congressional hearing to push the idea that vaccines are bad.” Parents also suggested that Congress immediately halt the vaccination program in the country until any and all vaccines are proven to be 100% safe and 100% effective by Bob, a man who sits in a darkened room of his house at 2am in the morning, furiously typing into a word processing program to then copy and paste his thousand-word-long missives into his MySpace blog. Along the same lines, other things that are essential to us but not 100% safe and 100% effective must also go, one parent suggested. “I mean, like, there’s all this nitrogen in the atmosphere. Can’t we, like, get rid of it and see if autism rates go down?” he asked.

I’m joking, of course. I didn’t conduct such a poll. And I didn’t interview anyone that deluded. But if I did, I can assure you that most parents of autistic children are certainly not amused by what the Canary Party wants. The Cannery Canary Party has been lobbying one particular congressman to have yet another round of hearings in congress into the “autism epidemic” that is being equated to children being kidnapped at gun point and sold off as slaves.

Not that it will do them, the anti-vaccine types, any good. Thankfully, we live in a society where Congress doesn’t make up the rules of science, and the last time they had a hearing, they ended up alienating the kid, so much so that he decided to go all “turncoat” on them and publish private emails. Not only that, but the kid’s apparent new mentor took it one step further:

“Throughout the discussions with Autism people about what I call the “Autism leadership problem” one other situation kept coming up – the relationship between Mark Blaxill and Jennifer VanDerHorst-Larson. Both Blaxill and Larson have children with Autism – and both seem to be married to someone else – that someone else who takes care of the autistic children while Mark and Jennifer (Ken and Barbie) travel together, endlessly, running, and/or influencing, various organizations (SafeMinds, Facing Autism, the Canary Party, Age of Autism), all of which claim to speak for the Autism community.

I’m told that the night before the infamous Congressional Committee on Oversight and Government Reform committee hearing on November 29th, 2012, the one Jake Crosby talks about in his article, that Elyse Blaxill, Mark’s wife, confronted Mark and Jennifer about their “relationship.” Mark was quoted as saying “that was the worst night of my life.” I’m told that Capitol Police were notified to be on alert that Mark’s wife might try to disrupt the televised hearing.”

If they lie about vaccine and autism science, surely, they don’t have a problem telling on each other’s indiscretions. Who is Jennifer Larson? Why, she is the woman in this picture posted on the Cannary Party’s Facebook page recently:

Ms. Larson is also one of the figureheads in the Canary Party. (The other one is Ginger Taylor, who, as you can see, is apparently a disembodied head of her own.) She apparently likes to take money donated to the Canary Party and use it to lobby congressmen to her cause and to stay in comfort when she travels to autism health freedom conferences:

“One expense seems more clear: On 6/15/2012, expenses attributed to Canary Party president Jennifer Larson amounted to $1,541.42 for another Health Freedom Expo hotel stay, this time at the Hilton. Health Freedom Expos are typically 3 day events.”

It must be nice to have that kind of cash on hand.

Of all the problems that autistics face day-to-day in this country, finding out if vaccines caused their autism is not one of them. That question has been settled. That conspiracy theory doesn’t hold any more water than the conspiracies about UFO’s, GMO’s, the Illuminati, or some such hold. It is crazy to think that we need to spend that kind of money and resources to have congressional hearings on something that has been settled by science.

What’s next? Hearings on whether or not we landed on the Moon?

If people like the members of the Canary Party or any other “health freedom” movement were really concerned about autistic children, they’d stop this theater of always wanting to blame the vaccines and move on to something more, you know, based on reality, something that doesn’t make them sound so nutty. They would stop their threats of violence and death, their misogyny, and they would work toward solutions that are based on evidence and true scientific knowledge. But they won’t, because that would crumble their worlds. It would make the monsters under their beds real and tangible.

I mean, what’s better, to work with other parents of autistic children, or… Or this:

Porno fantasies. Because THAT helps autistic children a lot.